r/MoralityScaling • u/Elestria_Ethereal • 19h ago
Morality Of Putting Your Parents In A Nursing Home No Matter How Much Theyve Done For You
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u/Wonderful_Panda4769 18h ago
Once someone needs actual "nursing" they are usually better off in a facility.
One thing people don't understand is there are levels to elderly living facilities: independent living with levels of care, skilled nursing, memory care, and hospice. You will understand once you get there.
I would never expect my kids to keep me in their home. I raised them to live their lives, not be my eternal caretaker.
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u/scarves_and_miracles 16h ago
Exactly. An elderly adult that needs full-time care cannot be managed by someone already navigating a career and a family. It's a full-time job. I would never want my kids to set their lives on fire like that. Especially if dementia is involved, the person really needs to be under skilled nursing care, shitty though it may be.
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u/Persistent_Parkie 16h ago
I did care for my demented mother at home until the end. No one is obligated to do what I did, no one. I did it for me, because I loved my mother so deeply not being involved in her daily care would have been worse for me emotionally.
I often argue that any parent that was "good enough" to warrant putting your life on hold for years would never want that for their children. Early on in her disease my mother straight up said that while she didn't want to die in a hospital a nice facility would be fine because she didn't want it to be too hard on us.
I need more than one hand to count the number of family caregivers of people with dementia I have known who were sexually assaulted by their loved ones at some point in the disease. No one is obligated to put themselves through that nightmare, no one.
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u/DannyDevitosNappy 14h ago
I live in a VERY affluent area. The elder care in these living facilities is abysmal. People with ZERO background in nursing or medicine are hired all the time, and treat people like shit.
I've heard from friends who had a family member at one tell me horror stories. One was a man who needed 24/7 catheterization for his bladder. He accidentally pulled the foley out and the nurses couldn't be bothered to help him. He sat for 2 days before a specialized nurse was scheduled to see him. By that time, his UTI was so bad that he went into kidney failure and died within a week.
Again this is a care facility in a town that averages homes in the millions. I wouldn't put my worst enemy in one of those shitholes.
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u/_reverse_god 13h ago
It also just literally does not make sense. How could they work full time, afford a house with enough room for an extra person to live in, raise their children AND care for an elderly person? They would have to give up tasks that are essential for their family to survive (making an income) just to take care of the additional elderly person requiring constant care. How is that feasible?
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u/CauseCertain1672 19h ago edited 19h ago
How did she observe him treating elderly relatives while she was growing up. Your children will treat you the way they see you treat their grandparents. He spent his life promoting consumerism and individualism and now has an individualistic daughter.
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u/Fun_Tension_7794 19h ago
Mmmm, yes, give me more of that.
Your emotional intelligence bleeds through your words and gives me the hope i desperately need on this cesspool of an app.
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u/Past-Background-7221 14h ago
Sorry, pal, best we can do is autistic overreactions to minor bullshit
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u/mavric91 10h ago
That’s exactly what you would say. How can you not see what’s going on here? The silver tsunami is coming and you can’t do anything but make jokes here? It’s people like you clogging up this app that make it so bad. If you would just TRY to be part of the solution then maybe everyone wouldn’t hate you all the time.
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u/Apprehensive_Ad3731 19h ago
Exactly. My kids know that this is a team effort and our team goal is a better life for all of us. My wife and I make no selfish moves. It is all for the family.
They see that. They know it. They feel it. It radiates through every decision we make. One of my boys plays rugby on a national level and he knows he’s one bad tackle away from me feeding him, washing him, caring for him until I die and I would not begrudge a single day. He KNOWS this. He was upset when I felt the need to discuss it because he felt it was a selfish choice. We cleared that out.
They are waiting for the chance to pitch in and earn some of the grace they have been given. They’re in a rush to do so. Honestly I need them to slow it down and focus on themselves for now. It’s our current issue.
Two of my three kids aren’t mine and they feel it more keenly even though I’ve always treated all three as equals. In many ways its BECAUSE I treat all three as equals and they came from a home where children were less than.
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u/StrayCatsSanctuary 19h ago
Bingo
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u/CauseCertain1672 19h ago
"Fuck you I got mine" doesn't feel so good from the other side.
He has a Liberal bourgeoise morality about freedom from obligation and raised his daughter to have that same morality.
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u/ChrisHaze 18h ago
I thought individualism is just western world? In countries that emphasize collectivism, they usually take care of their elders.
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u/CauseCertain1672 18h ago edited 18h ago
American politics use Liberal and Conservative in weird ways. I mean Liberal as in someone who believes in Liberalism, the ideology of Kipling, Clinton, Reagan, Thatcher, Ayn Rand and the French and American revolutions. That ideology promotes personal freedom from obligation and tradition, progress through science and industry, and moving society forwards. I specified Liberal bourgeois morality to try and be clearer.
A Conservative is someone who believes societal change should only happen slowly in case radical change breaks things, you can be a Conservative and have any other ideology it's only opposite is radicalism.
American politics doesn't talk about Liberalism the ideology for the same reason if fish could speak they would have no word for water. All American major political parties are Liberal so it's an ideology with no opposition. The only things about America that aren't Liberal are some religious and cultural traditions that are holdouts from before there was an America.
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u/Economics_New 17h ago
You're using the word the same way that Marxists use it. The average American is going to see "liberal" and not associate it at all with Reagan or Ayn Rand.
I knew what context you were using, based on you saying "liberal bourgeoise" but the average person is going to assume you're just taking shots at leftists. lol
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u/CauseCertain1672 17h ago
I'm not American, I'm using the word the way it's used in every other country. The ideology of Liberalism is important enough and relevant enough to name and talk about. Leaving it as an unnameable shadow looming over everything isn't good enough.
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u/Infinite_Incident107 15h ago
You sure? I got friends who definitely aren't American and they don't use the terminology as you are here.
Not saying you are objectively wrong or anything but I think you are over estimating how many people are naturally going to understand what you are saying
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u/Economics_New 17h ago
I agree with you, I'm just pointing out that using Marxist jargon is going to confuse most Americans. lol
Which, I think you picked up on, based on your explanation. lol
I'm an American and speak similarly, and I know firsthand that they interpret it in the wrong way.
You speak like a Marxist, even if you're not naming it. lol
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u/Resident-Bignal-8428 11h ago
I agree you have to meet people where they are, but American political definitions all suck ass and are wrong. There are people who define as 'socialists' there who are broadly pro capitalism. OPs point about US society being hegemonically liberal is correct. Almost everyone in America is broadly liberal in the classical definition.
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u/FrostThePhilosopher 18h ago
EXACTLY, I had this exact same conversation with my mom recently and I shut that shit down with one simple question, "where are grandma and grandpa?"
Granted, I have no idea who these people are or what situation they are in, but I would love to hear where he let his parents live because I think that is extremely important context when it comes down to making these decisions.
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u/Acrobatic-Ad-3335 14h ago
Adult children often treat their parents as they were treated.
You never really know what happens behind closed doors.
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u/Winter_Tone_4343 18h ago
As someone currently taking care of a dementia patient; my kids can absolutely put me in a home if I get that bad. There’s no chance I’m going to be interrupting their lives like that. The burden this has been on me is tremendous. No way I’m gonna do that to my kids.
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u/bluehoag 15h ago
My father took care of my early-onset mother for 5 years until he couldn't. She's now in a home getting professional care. We're grateful to him so much, and there's no way he could have continued.
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u/PiercingBL00D 15h ago
Agreed. Some people just don’t understand what it is like trying to care for someone like that 24:7. It is hell on Earth sometimes. And very very hard to do correctly.
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u/Previous_Comb5113 5h ago
Not Only takes it all your time, it also fucks you mentally, especially when the person you care for starts verbally assaulting you because they can't recognize you anymore and think you're an intruder in their home.
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u/Good-Guide-1398 14h ago
im a caregiver who works with a dementia patient 12 hours a day and I really don't understand why her family is keeping her at home. she doesn't understand anything. seems like an unnecessary emotional load at this point.
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u/MisterHEPennypacker 13h ago
I agree but this is also case specific. In this hypothetical scenario SAS said would pay for a 24-hr care team. Being that she’ll be a USC grad and already well networked, she’ll easily be a multimillionaire by the time she’s in her 30s. She’s already projecting that she’ll live in a mansion given the pool remark, so all he’d need is what amounts to a trivial amount of space. Given all that, I think it’s a pretty noninvasive request to live out his final years in a familiar setting with family nearby.
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u/E-Plurbis-DumbDumb 13h ago
Additionally, SAS has enough money to afford a top tier retirement home. He will get to deteriorate in luxury surrounded by a team of professionals dedicated to his (and others) care.
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u/SingularityCentral 19h ago
Stephen A. Smith will never need to be taken care of by his daughter. The man has more than enough money to live in a mansion with a bevy of nurses and servants to care for him until he dies.
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u/TheRedTurtle11 19h ago
She does not come off well here
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u/frubano21 18h ago
I mean.... look who her dad is lmfao. SAS's entire brand and livelihood is making the most ridiculous takes to people he knows will disagree with him. She's basically doing what she was taught.
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u/javjam 18h ago
People know who Stephen A Smith is right?
He could be an absolutely detestable father for all we know.
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u/Deliriously_Delulu 18h ago
That’s why context matters if you watch the full podcast she is clearly joking. Even without it he’s a millionaire he’s obviously not going to end up in a nursing home lmao
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u/Opening_Mango_2614 17h ago
I’m lowkey concerned about people’s intelligence after reading the comments.
Even without watching the full podcast, it’s clearly exaggeration for humor’s sake. The little smirks, the “and my POOL??”, the “I’ll love you from a distance, you’re my heart though”…
Do people really think that a teenager brought up around high-stakes media professions would just choose to openly be a spoilt ungrateful brat?
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u/IceBlackX007 17h ago
We living in an era where people will make an absolute conclusion about a subject with very minimal information about the subject.
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u/ghoulthebraineater 18h ago
And if he does there are high end nursing homes too. I was a chef at one and some of those apartments were fucking amazing.
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u/LowkeyLog5755 18h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/VkaVZ9lNOflZxCXTau
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u/scoobydiverr 18h ago
Yeah when she gave that little sly smirk I went from she is a terrible daughter to ohhh they have a great relationship.
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u/xylophone_37 17h ago
I didn't even need context. Redditor's brains are mush. Like does no one interact with people in real life anymore? People, especially family, generally have senses of humor.
Heck my youngest kid straight up calls me ugly when I shave my moustache.
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u/Acceptable-Peace-69 17h ago
Has you seen S. A. Smith?
Massive jackass. Odds are, he’s worse off camera.
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u/Maximum_Boros 19h ago
Moral in this case because having to live with Stephen A Smith is basically a human rights violation.
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u/TheObeseKnight 16h ago
He probably talks about his crypto solitaire app all the time moral af
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u/Maximum_Boros 14h ago
Yeah he 100% seems like the kind of person whose TV antics bleeds aggressively into his real life
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u/Jonn_Jonzz_Manhunter 19h ago
Moral, easy
My acholic abusive grandad we put into a home and my mom who is perfectly stable has been adamant that she wants us to put her in a home when she gets old as fuck because it's not the kids responsibility to look after the person who created you, because you don't get a choice to be alive and frankly deserve to do what you want to do within reason
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u/GreyerGrey 19h ago
Also, even if your children are nurses and PSWs with geriatric specialties, caring for your parents is hard. You cannot be on call all the time. You will burn out.
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u/Unakjbfsvjknsvfkjnv 17h ago
100% caretaking takes such a toll on people, I don’t think anyone’s entitled to having their children become their caretakers, no matter how nice of a parent they were.
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u/corporateacademia 14h ago
Exactly. I had my children so they could live happy full lives. Not so they are forced to take care of my dumb ass for not financially planning enough for a nursing home
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u/ArmadilloDesperate95 19h ago
Raising your kids is an obligation you've given yourself, not a debt for them to repay.
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u/ItsDiddyKong 18h ago
This is completely fine.
1.) Parenting isn’t a transactional relationship. You don’t go into it expecting to be repaid for a choice you made and for providing for your child. It’s what you’re supposed to do as a parent. If you are actively choosing to become a parent you can’t lord that choice over your child’s head down the line and expect them to care for you as you are older.
2.) He is a multi millionaire. Genuinely why would you have your child care for you when you can afford the absolute best of the best care in your geriatric years? His “nursing home” is a mansion with personalized care and/or having professional round the clock care at his own home 24/7.
He’s fine lol
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u/DistractionCitron 17h ago
Moral.
My dad is a violent narcissistic asshole. He knows he's an narcissistic asshole and that we hate him. For that reason, he starting stealing money to build a second home and a second family in Nigeria. He has 2 wives in Nigeria while my mother is his first wife. He has another son in Nigeria while he has 4 children (one dead and one severely disabled) in America. THAT is his retirement plan.
As for my mother, I feel a heavy burden to take care of her. She's a kind lady.
Please don't make your kids your retirement plan, especially in this economy.
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u/isuckhips 19h ago
I'm not entirely against the idea but boy howdy, does she sound spoiled af.
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u/volvavirago 17h ago
She is spoiled, and it’s his own damn fault. This is called reaping what you sow.
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u/Apple_butters12 18h ago
Kinda crazy talking to your dad like that when your bag is still up for grabs.
Like the family is going to have put dad in a guest house on property with a 24hr nurse type of money
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u/Adventurous-Art1514 19h ago
I'd honestly rather be in a nursing home than have my own kid wipe my ass while I slowly decay. At least in a nursing home I can party it up with the other geriatrics, play bingo, gossip, etc. Sounds way more fun.
It sounds more like the dad is just pissed that he's not getting his "return in investment", which shows he's just as selfish as the daughter. If I was an old person I would not want to bother my kids with forcing them to take care of me. Rather hang out with the other old people.
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u/Yohbaba 19h ago
Moral, kids don’t need to be burdened with elderly care 24/7 in their own home. That needs to be done independently elsewhere
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u/TheRobn8 18h ago
Her way of putting it aside, it depends on the situation and their health, as well as your living and financial situation.
Ive seen what it takes to look after someone with dementia, and who is unable to walk, and unless you have time, ability and the strength to do it, then a nursing home is the better option. If they aren't in the "needs care stage", then you need the space and money to keep them with you.
I think we got too used to shows and movies making it seem like everyone has room for their widowed parent to move in, or that taking care of them when they get sick isnt sometimes a strain.
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u/CippyCreepy 19h ago
Valid crashout. If I inherited a nose like that I would instantly promote myself into an orphan.
Jokes aside, I feel bad for him. You can literally see his heart break at the end. Bro needs a hug
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u/Nerd-Dad-2779 18h ago
This absolutely seems to be a bit by her. Why are people treating this as her being genuine.
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u/jack789111 17h ago
i don't like how far I had to scroll for someone to say this and you had 2 upvotes. Maybe these people just don't have that much interaction in their lives?
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u/a_angry_bunny 19h ago
She doesn't come off well here, but a good nursing home can provide better care for someone than their children can. People just don't like the idea because they will be forced to live somewhere other than their home to be taken care of by strangers. Like, it's understandable not to like them as you're basically accepting that nothing is really yours anymore on the last stage of your life. I think anyone would have a hard time coming to terms with that. But it really is the best option for most people.
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u/ContendedLink776 19h ago edited 19h ago
You don't have kids so they will take care of you. Your kids will never have an obligation to do so in your old age, even if you were the perfect parent. It definitely sucks but it's moral, no matter what we personally think.
Edit: holy shit this one is gonna be fun to respond to.
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u/Azureflames20 17h ago
There's going to be a lot of people that probably dislike the take, but i don't think it's a bad take. In reality there's plenty of reasons why it's logistically not sustainable to put that on yourself to take care of a parent. Some people have the means or the money to fork over, but that would 1000% put a strain between spouses and/or children in any household.
When I'm old and my children are on the flipside, I would never ever want to put that burden on them. I'm practically on the side of it being immoral to inherently place that responsibility or obligation on your children when they didn't sign up for that.
If they want to - that's very considerate of them, but I don't know if I could do that. Why the fuck do we encourage our children moving out of the house to begin with if it means that we are trying to force or guilt them to take us in later when we can't take care of ourselves? They deserve their own independence.
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u/Physical_Device_1396 19h ago
100%, no idea why parents don't feel guilty forcing that responsibility on children who didn't ask for it. I will gladly put myself into a home when I'm unable to care for myself, all I ask is my kids visit me from time to time
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u/Anistappi 19h ago
Morality of posting someone enjoying banter with their parent as if the conversation was serious and they were planning of abandoning their parent in a nursing home?
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u/punishedbiscuits 19h ago
i mean, there is no way to tell it to your parents without hurting them. But one thing is having them move in with you. Another thing is being their caretaker. What if they are senile? or suffer from straight up dementia or parkinson, alzheimers or similar? That shit drains family like you wouldnt believe. i don’t want my kids to feel when i am being buried that they have finally been set free.
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u/zipsthespacebandit 18h ago
I mean, I don’t know about these people so from a very outside perspective I can understand this.
My dad sucks, he says super hurtful shit and was extremely abusive.
He is my dad and I love him; he cannot come live at my house.
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u/Exotic_Specialist2 16h ago
I understand why people have to put people in nursing homes. But what a heartless bitch… just the way she talked about it… if he’s funding her at all I’d cut her off completely if that was my daughter
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u/Enayleoni 15h ago
I don't know their situation. I didn't watch the video even.
I do know you can give kids clothes on their backs, food in their belly, and a roof over their head, and still be a shit parent. Getting laid doesn't mean you automatically get someone who's going to take care of you when you're old. Lots of people need 24/7 care. You have to stop everything else in your life, and take shifts with others to do that, especially if you're trying to keep a job.
Also changing a baby's diaper blow out is one thing. A grown man's is another.
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u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy 13h ago
This is the difference between Gen Z and boomers. Boomers think that because they sucked it up and took care of their parents, they deserve the same. But they don’t remember a) putting their own parents in a nursing home or say ‘that was different’ OR b) did take care of their parents and it felt them a husk of a person because taking care of an elderly and/or dying person is quick and easy.
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u/Sea-Woodpecker-610 13h ago
My father had a stroke, and was in a nursing home for the last three months of his life. Even with my family in town, there was no way we could give him round the clock care.
My grandfather refused a nursing home. He simply couldn’t afford it. My mother took care of him for a year. He was completely bedridden, and required round the block care. It was a fucking nightmare. Her sister took over the last three months of his life because mom was completely wiped out by the end.
Honestly, if I can’t afford a home, I’m planning on taking a nice long nap outside on a nice cold winters day so my own family doesn’t have to go through that.
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u/CorgiAggressive2829 1h ago
One of the most laughable arguments I've had someone make to my wife and I on reasons we should have kids is, "Well who is going to take care of you when your older?"
If the reason you had a kid(s) is to make them take care of you when you are older, you had kids for the wrong reason. I've discussed this with my parents and uncle/aunt recently and they think those type of people who expect that are delusional (so I guess I'm safe).
Stephen Smith I'm sure has more than enough money to hire a live-in caretaker and age in place in his own house if he so desired. He does not need his daughter to take care of him, nor should he have the expectation that she should.
My grandparents lived in my parents house to save money at the end of their lives when they still largely did not need help, but once they needed more care and refused to pay for the help they needed at the price it cost they moved to an assisted living facility and eventually a nursing home.
My grandparents had plenty of money. They just refused to spend it.
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u/Accomplished_List843 19h ago
An expensive nursing home is better than anything i could do for them.
I don't know this person context.
Moral
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u/Salacious_Rhino 17h ago
This. Grew up in a family of cna's and nurses. Conditions depend on the business that takes your parents. Some nursing homes should not be operating some are great and even better than living with your kids. Privacy, social connection, new friends, scheduled events, meals made, on staff medical for emergencies, activities, trips, rigid and responsible on time medication delivery, nice vibes all around. I emphasize the medication part as it was rampant on how family were terrible in making sure that their ailing parents were getting their meds on time, right dosage, prescriptions filled and being on top of their parents to sus out lying. Old people HATE scheduled medication and will absolutely lie or forget and families chronically take their word for it or forget themselves because adult children are usually doing that for themselves and their own kids while managing a career and household simultaneously.
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u/tacotueaday55 19h ago
Moral. And all you parents can downvote me all you want. You should not have kids and expect them to look after you. They are their own persons and they can do whatever they want with their own household.
Also this dude's mega rich, he can afford a decent retirement home if he wants. He just wants to force himself into his daughter's life forever and she clearly wants to love him at a distance.
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u/Angel_Dust_696969 19h ago
I mean nursing home sometimes is better if they can provide proper care. And those old people are very sexually active there, so he'll have fun.
It's like in that song by Steel Panther - "Gangbang at the Old Folks Home"
"Gangbang at the old folks home
One foot in the grave
Two lips on my bone"
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u/Altarna 19h ago
Neutral. Not everyone has a positive relationship with their family. For example, all of us kids were kicked out at 18. Dad would have had it sooner if it was legal and almost got his way three times out of us 4 kids. He was an angry drunk usually. While my parents and I are getting to a better place and can have positive interactions, I am in no way obligated to care for them in their old age. They barely did their duty legally. It is like getting D's all in college and expecting a degree and high paying job at the end. You get what you put in.
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u/ninjaman2021 18h ago
Not related to Stephen. But we dont talk enough about parents who were financially irresponsible their entire lives and then expect their kids to put the pieces together once they retire.
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u/Interesting-Part9102 18h ago
Not my job to watch you and care for you when your old. I had no choice being born and having you look after me. Having kids is work, if you aren't ready for that don't have kids. That being said, nursing home may only be for the bad parents. If you like your parent let them live at home and help them get a caretaker instead.
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u/DyscordianMalice 18h ago
This is a tough one. I'm going to say Moral... BUT it depends on the situation. I'll give my real world example that happened with my family.
My mom took care of my grandma when she started having mobility issues. Mom worked night shifts at the time and dad worked during the day. So they took turns, with my brother and I picking up some of the slack by running more errands for our parents when they were home with my grandma. And this worked perfectly fine for a few months.
My grandma was always very petite but by this point, she probably only weighed like 70 pounds. Super frail. Eventually, she was no longer able to walk without someone supporting her weight. Easy enough for my dad, and for my mom too (to some degree) since theyre both very active and healthy.
Unfortunately, one day my mom was helping grandma to the shower. Grandma's legs completely gave out on her before they could get her in the shower chair and she fell. Thankfully she was okay, paramedics were called to make sure she had no injuries, and transported to the hospital just as a precaution. My mom was devastated and blamed herself. She still does.
So we had to have a big family meeting to figure out how to prevent this from happening again. We considered renovating mom's house to add more safety features to grandma's room and bathroom. We thought about having my husband and I moving in with my parents so there's more hands available. But ultimately what it came down to was this: my grandmother needed professionals that are trained to assist the elderly. Even pooling our salaries together, there was no way we could afford a live-in nurse type of situation. So we put her in a nursing home. Fortunately, there was a nursing home right at the entrance to our neighborhood and one block away from the hospital.
The nursing home had excellent staff and nice facilities. And since it was right by mom's house, we could go every day or rush over in like 5 minutes if there was an emergency. They took good care of her, all the way through to the end of her life. It was a sad decision, but it ended up being the right one.
All this basically to say is: sometimes a nursing home is a necessary choice. Not every able-bodied person is suited to caring for an elderly person. Just dumping a parent in a home and not even ENTERTAINING the idea of caring for them yourself (like the daughter in the video) is horrible.
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u/snafu1109 17h ago
Moral honestly. Yea she sounds spoiled af and doesn't come off well here but objectively you choose to have children so that's why you're obligated to take care of them. The child never chose to be born. Aslong as it's a good care facility absolutely moral
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u/FrostyIcePrincess 15h ago
My family had to start having that conversation when grandma was alive.
One of her daughters became a nurse, and could manage all of grandma’s health issues at home because she knew what she was doing.
That daughter got covid. She had to quarantine. Now someone else has to deal with all of grandma’s health issues.
Her daughters then had to have the “what happens if the one daughter that became a nurse isn’t around for grandma.”
It wasn’t “we hate grandma, let’s throw her in a home”
It was “grandma has A LOT OF HEALTH ISSUES. We can’t do this at home without the one daughter that went into medicine and knows what she’s doing.” Not a fun conversation to have.
Grandma died in her 90’s. She outlived two adult children. She died very old in her house.
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u/Plane_Fly_84 19m ago edited 11m ago
I AGREE WITH THE DAUGHTER! If you grew up with a TOXIC PARENT you know for your PEACE, don't have them in your house. They need to go to a nursing home.
My mother was a NARCISSIST. Every person she gave birth to left ASAP when they turned 18. Did I love her. Yes, because she was my mother. But when you become an Adult, you need to protect your own sanity and peace. You cannot guilt me, in to bringing the reason I had ulcers as a teenager into my house.
HELL NAW, TO THE NAW, NAW, NAW.
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u/OnlyACsNoFans 19h ago
Depends. In this situation immoral, but if they have dementia or advanced needs it's moral
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u/todayisanewday2 19h ago
Nah. We dont know how celebrities are at home. They could be the biggest assholes to their kids and we would have no idea. Also to admit that on live air takes courage.
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u/troll_fcker 19h ago
I mean, if my father had done a lot for me and hadn't made my life hell throughout my childhood and adulthood, I would definitely let him stay in my house and take care of him.
But since my dad is an asshole who acts as if I don't even deserve to be considered when important decisions about my own life are being made, and since my childhood was shit, I don't think he can expect me to take care of him.
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u/GreyerGrey 19h ago
My parents made my life amazing. I loved my mom dearly and I love my dad.
I am currently looking at retirement homes near me so that a) he can be closer, and b) he can be near people his own age because locking him up in my home isn't going to help keep his mind working and as he gets older and requires nursing care, I am not trained to provide that. Nor is my spouse.
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u/ProChoiceAtheist15 19h ago
Kids owe their parents NOTHING. If you don’t want to provide for a kid unless they kiss your ass for it, DONT HAVE ANY.
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u/Late-Childhood1285 19h ago
Immoral, judging by the way she's speaking she seems ungrateful as hell
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u/Alduin_25 19h ago
Bold enough to assume anyone in our generation is gonna afford a house big enough to hold them, kids + parents
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u/chromatose890 19h ago
I think morality of this general concept is heavily influenced by the individual relationship between the children and the parents. In the same situation, you could either have children who genuinely should be caring for their parents or you could have children who shouldn't be burdened by parents who felt burdened by them while they were being raised.
In this specific idea, moral because Stephen A. Smith's daughter seems to just be an actual daughterly copy of Stephen A. Smith
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u/ValitoryBank 19h ago
It seems to me he wasn’t the dad he presents himself to be with his words. Moral
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u/Head-Relation-9316 19h ago
Dang I could never send my dad to a nursing home, he has done too much for me and my sister and made too many sacrifices for us. My mom? Yeah nursing home zero hesitation and no questions asked but not my dad.
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u/WarLawck 19h ago
When my health drops to the point where I need to be in a nursing home i am going on safari and letting lions eat me. I don't want my kids to have to watch me waste away.
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u/Illustrious-Aside442 19h ago
I would literally cut her off instantly as long as she’s an adult, if she’s a college student maybe get her through graduation then cut her off, but fuck that I don’t owe you shit once your an adult.
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u/Pretty-Fault9792 19h ago
Well it’s a good thing that Stephen A Smith is a shitty fuckin person, otherwise I might care!
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u/JesterJasmineDNx 19h ago
They're both terrible. She hates him and is very clear about it. He thinks hes entitled to live with her. Kids don't owe their parents ANYTHING. If the parent did a good job raising their kid they should WANT them in their lives.
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u/BeyondNo9753 19h ago
I'm fine by it and they're actually aren't obligated but then it's also completely moral to abandon your child after they turn 18 and not help them in anyway as well as cut any inheritance for them in the same sense
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u/Southern-Wafer-6375 18h ago
Eh I went no contact with my family so I’d prob pop em in a nurseinf home too
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u/NightMaleficent1342 18h ago
Very moral.
A nursing home is much better equipped to take care of the elderly than anything I can do, organize or pay for.
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u/Slight-Ganache-9785 18h ago
Immoral if raised by good loving parents.
In this situation im 99% she's joking no way she's actual serious.
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u/Extra_Zucchini_1273 18h ago
I hate to say it but hes failed as a father in the worst way and now its public knowledge.
Cut off all money to her now and forever.
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u/st3wy 17h ago
I feel like my parents would react the same way... but here's the thing... they just put my grandfather in a nursing home, and he has 4 kids, each married and well-off. My parents said they'd pay for my college, then just never did, and I've been stuck in poverty ever since... Like wtf you want from me?
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u/GreedyAd218 17h ago
Idk, I cant wait to put my mom in one, might even break no contact for the chance later down the road. And Ill even pick the facility I worked in as a teen because im sure the quality of care will be just as shitty by then
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u/beckbristow32 17h ago
Damn that "Love you from a distance" was a dagger to the heart and cold as hell.
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u/TurnLeftLookRight 16h ago
It’s actually selfish for parents to expect their kids to take care of them.
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u/Feeling_Profit_216 16h ago
Kids don’t owe you anything especially if you aren’t a good parent. Leave it to the professionals
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u/mother_fairy 15h ago
Is help my mom and my grandma, but there will come a point where it will be to much for me, and somewhere else will be better for everyone.
I want to be a daughter. I want to be a granddaughter. Caregiving is inately apart of me, but if that becomes the main, im gunna bring in support. Because I don't want to be the main caregiver in their life.
Also they really get on my nerves after a time. There's no way after a certain point I could handle it.
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u/Smokin_belladonna 13h ago
Nursing homes are for elderly parents who can no longer take care of themselves. 89 year old uncle got all aggressive and pulled a kitchen knife and threatened his in-home-caretaker today.
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u/Afraid_Acanthaceae34 13h ago
As someone with a parent who refuses to let their grandparents go into a nursing home. The amount of labor is unreal. Most people do not have the ability to care for their aging parents and it's heartbreaking.
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u/Faiths_got_fangs 13h ago
I needed to put my mother in a nursing home but was fighting with insurance. It wasn't pretty, because the average employed adult is NOT a nurse and does not have the skills, time or ability to provide skilled nursing care.
I remember getting into a massive fight with our local hospital because they kept trying to discharge her and I kept refusing because I could not physically lift her and that was necessary.
I'd never want my kids to be in that position.
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u/below_average_joe334 11h ago
Crazy thing is, she's going to kick him out of her house he paid for to send him to nursing home that he also has to pay for.
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u/Arkitakama 11h ago edited 11h ago
I work in a nursing home, and I can say unequivocally that I'd rather be dead than living here. The food isn't great, there's not much to do, and you have sundowning dementia patients wandering into your room in the middle of the night. Not all of them are violent when confronted, but enough of them are that I'd rather not take the risk.
To be clear, this isn't me saying that I want my daughter taking care of me for the rest of my old age. This is me endorsing MAID. If I can't be taken care of in my own home by a home health aide that drops by for a few hours a day, stick me in that nitrogen gas pod for a nap I never wake up from.
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u/Awkward-Toe-1079 11h ago
I read the incidence of STD has increased in senior's homes. Better keep Grandma close to you, more so if she's not all together up there
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u/ManagerSuper1193 1h ago
The assumption that she should feel obligated to care for him when she had no consent in being born is pretty damn selfish . Life isn’t a gift to everyone, it’s a trap to many . Humanity is a cancer to its own planet .
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u/vaderdidnothingwr0ng 50m ago
I don't know who these people are, so I guess it depends. What did he do for her? What does "all that I've done for you" encompass?
If he fed her, clothed her, have her a roof over her head, made sure she got an education then... That's kind of the bare minimum. If he was never around, never there for her and just covered the essentials, then why would he expect any more from her later in life? She certainly doesn't seem very fond of him.
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u/OlManYellinAtClouds 35m ago
He’s operated in pure self‑interest for years, so it’s no surprise his kids learned to make decisions the exact same way. I wished ESPN would have got rid of him years ago.
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u/MenezIISociety 32m ago
She doesn't owe him anything. She didn't ask to be born. Being parent does not entitle you to shit. Not their money. Not their property. Not their kids. As a parent, the goal is to raise your kids in such manner that they wouldn't consider putting you in a home. She has her reasons.
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u/possesed_monkeyghost 25m ago
The way she emphasizes "My" makes it seem like if she took care of him the way he did her it might be considered abuse...
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u/BuildAnything4 19h ago
Ouch. The way she talks about him living in her house is like if a random homeless person asked to live there.