r/MoralityScaling • u/Aware_Ad6442 • 16h ago
Morality of this?
Btw not my screenshot, I got it from here https://x.com/idkwahatimdoing/status/2098400039131344988
Edit: I don't think I was clear enough, I'm referring to the scenario and the man's reaction to the answer.
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u/Remote-Monk-8542 16h ago
Wdym morality of this? Who are we evaluating the morality of in this situation?
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u/jawknee530i 12h ago
This sub isn't about discussing the morality of anything it's for inserting culture war nonsense and making people argue with each other. This post is just for inciting gender war nonsense.
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u/No-Start4754 11h ago
Yeah any post in this sub is always man vs woman or the usual let's show a black person doing something bad and justify racism.
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u/RollExisting4350 10h ago
Itās not a ānonsense gender warā if women are getting harassed and raped over ts
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u/Signal-Opposite-4793 16h ago
Morality of what?
Put some goddamn effort in, OP
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u/Inevitable-Monitor35 16h ago
Im pretty sure if a man said "I have a boyfriend." It would have the same effect on a woman
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u/Tricky-Clock-8145 15h ago
In my experience I have a boyfriend is taken as a challenge to make my god damn night ten times worse by following me and continuing asking until the bouncer has to intervene
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u/No_Duck4805 14h ago
āWhatās your man got to do with me?ā
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u/Inevitable-Monitor35 13h ago
Tell your mans, if he says hes got beef that im a vegetarian and i ain't fucking scared of him
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u/Melvin-Melon 13h ago
āI donāt see a ringā
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u/Fit-Entrepreneur8404 13h ago
Having a ring attracts the worst kind of women..."she doesn't have to know". I had never been approached by a woman in my entire life, I get married and I've now had 5. If I had realized this before meeting my wife, when I was younger and stupider and less morally convicted, I may have tried to wear a ring to go out to meet women without realizing that those are exactly the type of women I would want nothing to do with.
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u/Miserable-Stock-4369 11h ago
I didn't (and don't) have a ring, but once, at a party a girl started flirting with me, I had to leave for something for a few minutes, and when I came back she told me my friends said I have a girlfriend (I did), she then proceeded to ask "but how serious is it?" I was stunned
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u/lootybick2 10h ago
Iāve been hit with the ābut how stable are you guys?ā
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u/luchajefe 8h ago
You've been vetted.
If a woman can find someone that another woman is partnering with and take him for herself, she's made it, because she doesn't have to worry that she's wasting time with somebody 'not worthy of it'.
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u/Lythaera 9h ago
Yea I've straight up just immediately ended friendships when I found out they enjoyed being "the other woman" or sleeping with married men. It was totally on principle of not being a piece of shit malicious af human being, but then I later realized they had a whole complex about other women and would've targetted me with that bullshit eventually too.
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u/Express-Teaching1594 13h ago
āJust because thereās a goalie doesnāt mean I canāt score.ā
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u/Rory_McShackleford 13h ago
Silly goose. Alcohol.
The problem is always alcohol.
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u/mochitochini 14h ago
I remember one dude harassing me like crazy, even after i told him that i had a boyfriend (who was also gonna pick me up). He kept bothering me, starting a fight, working himself up saying he will kick my boyfriends ass, etc. My boyfriend showed up shortly after. Mind you, he's a 6.3 bodybuilder and heavily trained MMA.(which i didn't mention) dude saw him, literally PISSED himself and fucked of quicker than a bat out of hell. Fucking idiots at times, really.
Many times i met men who would see it as a challenge or have their egos hurt by it and try act up, when you say you have a boyfriend.
But at the end of the day, no matter what you do or say, if they're idiots, they'll act like idiots.
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u/Chronicler201 14h ago
It may have been a figure of speech. You can also usually see when someone pisses themself. Fabric gets darker and smellier
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u/Chiefster1587 12h ago
I hear about this from anonymous posts way more frequently then i ever saw it in bars. Was a bartender all through college for reference.
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u/mastap88 10h ago
In my experience it is ( was ) similar when saying āi have a girlfriendā. Humans.
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u/Brutal_De1uxe 9h ago edited 9h ago
Yeah that, or any answer that doesn't accept the no just means they have been reading the lame pick up artist BS - they probably follow the "alpha" crap too.
Hiw do they think that makes them any more attractive when they come across as thick or losers?
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u/PomPomMom93 15h ago
Not if theyāre fujoshis.
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u/Inevitable-Monitor35 15h ago
I just looked that up and seems like yaoi (correct me if im wrong). That is more 3rd wheel than trying to replace a romantic interest.
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u/Rickyjo1974 15h ago
Right but āI have a girl friendā or āIām a lesbianā is rarely as effective a deterrent as me saying āI have a boyfriend.ā Creepy dudes think all women are toys with no agency. Itās the threat that a large man might beat them up that gets them to back off.
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u/ABurnedTwig 14h ago
Saying that "I have a girlfriend" makes creeps think that they might get to rape two women instead of one. Saying that there is already a boyfriend is still by far safer.
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u/Newspaper_Beneficial 16h ago
nah. guys wear wedding rings to pick up girls. it actually has the opposite effect.
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u/Inevitable-Monitor35 16h ago
True, woman do desire men that are desired. Then get pissed when they are lied too about it. Like girl you were willing to be the other half in a homewrecking scenario. Have a small bit of reflection on that. You were willing to hurt another woman and maybe break up a family to get ahead.
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u/Newspaper_Beneficial 16h ago edited 15h ago
it's so fucked just now thinking about it because of this thread:
a mans "no" is respected
but his woman at home is not respected by other woman.
while a woman's "no" is not respsected
while their man at home is.
it's reversed.
I do not think i'm delusional in saying this and I think it is a cultural thing that many can attest to.
I wonder what this implies/says about our culture/evolution though.
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u/BNSable 14h ago
A man's no is often not respected. I have said no to women and had them not respect it. Whether it be continuing to flirt, touching me, hovering around me the entire night or hurling abuse at me. Often if it IS respected, her friends will instead hurl abuse.
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u/Newspaper_Beneficial 14h ago
Now that i think about it. every time i've turned down girls they're been really really gross and insulting to me.
I stand corrected.
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u/BNSable 14h ago
Realistically it's more that there's a disrespectful subset of both men and women and neither of them can handle a no, especially when alcohol is involved.
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u/sleepdeep305 12h ago
Yeah ultimately itās anecdotal but Iāve been verbally harassed by women for telling them no
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u/Deadfelt 16h ago
This made me laugh. Take your upvote.
Now, thoughts on the post?
Saying "I have a boyfriend" isn't about patriarchy at all and nobody thinks it in the slightest. It sounds like a "not interested" because that's exactly what it is.
That particular post saying it's about patriarchy and not respecting the woman clearly doesn't consider if it's a gay guy saying "I have a boyfriend" to a woman.
Morality: Immoral. It's sexist on its own since it considers both that only one gender can use that phrase and because it assumes only one gender can ever be culpable.
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u/oOLynxyOo 16h ago
As opposed to saying ānoā and having it ignored which doesnāt indicate a lack of interest?šš
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u/Bloodmind 15h ago
Youāve missed the point because you were triggered by the part you responded to.
The point of the post is that āI have a boyfriendā often works when a simple ānoā does not. āNoā should be enough, without a woman having to invoke a boyfriend, whether real or made up.
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u/PrincessBonkers628 16h ago
You're not understanding that women lie about having a boyfriend because saying no doesn't work.
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u/maka-tsubaki 15h ago
Youāre ignoring large swaths of the text. Itās about how saying no DOESNT WORK AS WELL AS saying āI have a boyfriendā. Itās not about the phrase indicating lack of interest
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u/inowar 16h ago
the reason it's patriarchal is because "no" is a clear lack of interest, but is not respected. and sometimes is so intensely ignored that it leads to assault.
so... it's true.
I'm not sure what morality is being addressed, though. is it moral to disrespect people's boundaries? no. is it moral to assault women? no. is it moral to lie in order not to be assaulted? yes. because the question in this final case is not an honest one; the man isn't asking if she is interested, he is asking whether she is protected.
and of course she can't possibly know which men will accept no and leave and which ones will not.
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u/Affectionate_Row9238 15h ago
Saying I have a girlfriend has the opposite effect in my experience lmao
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u/byhand97 16h ago
Morality ofā¦an opinion?
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u/Prestigious_Tank7454 15h ago
I mean, opinions can also be inmoral, not that i feel this is exactly a opinion and more of a simplification using a anecdotal style
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u/77th_Bat 16h ago
Morality of stopping faster for "i have a boyfriend" than "no"? Obv. immoral.
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u/Mu-Relay 13h ago
I have a feeling that the type of guy that wouldn't stop for a "no" is the same type of guy that wouldn't give one rat fuck if a woman said "I have a boyfriend."
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u/LuckyRadish7990 3h ago
As a woman, I can definitely tell you that some dudes stop dead for the boyfriend, not for the no. Not all guys, obviously, but enough that it is easier to say that you're not on the market.
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u/Juan0712g 16h ago
Inmoral, if she says not then that should be enough.
I've had encounters with women that wouldn't take no for an answer nor the "I have a girlfriend" and is really annoying and can be really uncomfortable if they push and push
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u/Practical-Ear8802 16h ago
It's wild because it seems like some women take "I have a girlfriend" as a challenge. Nobody respects women, not even other women.
This take is absolutely true. I have literally seen this happen many times, where a guy only shuts up after the boyfriend line is dropped.
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u/tortoistor 15h ago
i've also seen guys take "i have a bf" as a challenge and girls cool off completely once they find out.. the latter more commonly in my experience.
bottom line is i think there's people like rhat everywhere, regardless of gender
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u/Dapper-Cantaloupe866 14h ago
I used to say folks should wear fake wedding rings to stop advances but too many men & women alike take it as a challenge these days. "The forbidden fruit" so to speak.
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u/BananaBladeOfDoom 12h ago
No need to even bring a bf or gf into the picture. I was in a gay cruising party where some dudes completely accept a rejection and go find someone else. And then some don't stop and expect you to eventually just give them a chance.
The former, I respect, and the latter, I find pathetic tbh.
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u/Trailiscold 16h ago
Honestly you could be the hottest woman ever but if you don't want me, then it really isn't meant to be.
I believe anyone who's pushy is wrong. And it's definitely immoral to not respect the boundaries for a person.
I've had girls find out my phone number and spam call me after I have had wanted nothing to do with them. Honestly it gets scary, many people could be crazy enough to spread rumors about you or worse. Dating game sure ain't safe with people who simply can not take rejection well, regardless of the gender.
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u/GrapefruitMean253 15h ago
Yeah, but thatās her experience as a woman and it seems relatively common. So weāre talking about their specific experience. Thatās the point of this.
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u/SnowConeMonster 16h ago
I am a guy and I said "I have a wife" and it did not stop the pursuit at all from another male.
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u/mahmoodalfaqi 15h ago
Wtf
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u/SnowConeMonster 15h ago edited 9h ago
Yeah, I told him that I dont fish on the same side of the boat as him but he kept being a creep. It was while I was in the Army and it lasted for like over a year. He never really got in trouble.
For like the first day my buddies thought it was hilarious (and to be fair I can see their perspective.) He tried to play footsies with me and kept saying weird shit. But then they were like "wait wtf is wrong with this dude, it isn't funny at all anymore" then we all left him in the desert for an extra couple of days which he deserved. I literally didn't take a shower during my mission because I was worried he'd show up (it was just a big single room with shower heads around.) My leadership sucked and didn't really help either.
It was honestly terrible and it was somewhat funny but also... I was bigger than him so I wasn't really threatened, would have been scarier otherwise. But he just kept on trying and trying to date me, or something... no matter how many times I told him I am straight, married happily to a female, and not interested in the slightest.
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u/Fried_0nion_Rings 16h ago
Itās also when women want their tubes tied or to get their breast removedā¦
You can be like āI never want kidsā and the doctor will say no cause your future husband might, like some guy you havenāt even met yet
Men donāt view women as equals or value their opinions.
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u/Former_Click_7975 16h ago
Invisible?
SNAKE SNAKE!!!!!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW, MY NAME, HAS THE MEMORY GONE ARE YOU FEELING WRONG. JUST LIKE MY JAPANESE ANIMES!!
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u/Ill-Revolution-8219 14h ago
If a woman tells me no, I will take that. Tbh I would never approach a woman like that anyhow.
But there is a real thing of SOME women playing hard to get.
Many men overestimate how many women does that or how attractive they are. A no can be be a maybe if you are charming enough but a boyfriend means that the door is completely closed.
I can't say it is immoral, I don't think the man respect another man more than the woman, it is just a very definite no.
Me and a friend had a really flirty relationship and tbh a little intimate. When she got a boyfriend I changed how I were around her, and when she next time we meet started to snuggle I put a stop to it. Because I respected her, I didn't know the guy.
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u/wae_eye 16h ago edited 16h ago
You can literally get the same effect saying "i have a girlfriend"
Also women also have this behavior, if anything more annoying because they think they're doing nothing wrong
Brainrot level shit lmao
Edit: for everyone that keeps talking about the homophobic guys, that was a response to the muh patriarchy shit, at least in that case you can call the cops, not the other way around if the girl is the homophobic one lmao
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u/DeRpY_CUCUMBER 16h ago
In my experience, saying " I have a girlfriend", or "no" to a woman who is very interested, does not stop them. The I have a girlfriend actually makes them more interested.
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u/Unhappy-District5767 16h ago
I'm a lesbian. Men don't react to "I have a girlfriend" any better than they do a "no."
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u/Maleficent-Sun8643 16h ago
In facy, remember that video of girls being beaten and forced to kiss in public on a bus when the passengers found out they were lesbians?? If anything it can out you in more danger! Hate this world.
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u/Silver_Middle_7240 16h ago
Nah. Guys even wear wedding bands because it gets you approached more
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u/Icy_Judge8250 16h ago
I feel like this says more about the woman who approach a man with a ring on expecting to house wreck, just sounds like a guy working the system to make it work for him lol Least he is keeping them away from actual married men for a change lol
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u/yaboisammie 14h ago
Yea I get the point about intentions ie maybe the guy is just trying to get laid and is technically lying but like you said, heās at least pursuing single women who are pursuing who to their knowledge are married men
Wasnāt there another post on this sub recently about exactly that scenario lolĀ
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u/Icy_Judge8250 14h ago
Yeah lmao I mean it is kind of genius if you think about it, I have never done it but when i think about I just chuckle to myself lol
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u/ChaosRainbow23 16h ago edited 16h ago
I actually found this to be true.
I can go through a dry spell, but the second I start actually considering dating someone or getting into a full-blown relationship, it magically starts raining pussy. (If I'm monogamous I'm monogamous, I've never cheated on anyone)
It's wild.
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u/NovelConcept6300 16h ago
People want what they canāt have, and women determine value based on what other women want.Ā
Women see a married man as someone of enough value another woman chose to marry him.Ā
It goes beyond that when u consider the like 2-5% of women with low self esteem who are Ā intentional homeworkersĀ
A type of woman who gets off sexually on the idea of stealing a man, or feel special that a man is risking it all to have me, and Heās totally gonna leave his wife for me!Ā
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u/jdisifizozkxfiso 14h ago edited 14h ago
You can literally get the same effect saying "i have a girlfriend"
Absolutely not. Men who are willing to push boundaries back off when they hear āI have a boyfriendā because theyāre afraid of getting into a physical confrontation with another man. If that same sort of slimy guy heard āI have a girlfriendā, heās just going to ask for a three-way.
Even more annoying because they think theyāre doing nothing wrong
So you prefer when people are deliberately malicious instead of misguided and (possibly) able to be swayed into changing their moral stance (vs someone who doesnāt care about morals at all)? Kind of weird, but ok š
At least in that case you can call the cops, not the other way around if the girl is the homophobic one lmao
Idk what country youāre in, but the cops donāt arrest people for being homophobic in the USA. You can possibly make a case for harassment, but itās not something thatās likely to go anywhere if youāre not wealthy enough to afford a good lawyer (if the perp is better off than you, and therefore has a better lawyer, theyāre going to win the case, and they could possibly even press charges for filing a false police report or defamation of character, even though youāre telling the truth, you just donāt have irrefutable evidence). And first offense harassment is a misdemeanor anyway, so the victimās wallet is drained for a slap on the wrist. Not really worth it imo unless youāre physically harmed.
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u/NormalDooder 16h ago
No? Far too many men think lesbians aren't even real. Or that if they are you can convince to stop being lesbians.
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u/Special-Investigator 16h ago
not true in my experience
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u/Fantastic_Arm_9669 16h ago
Very context dependent then, because some may still force themselves with a woman even if they do say they have a boyfriend.
And in my experience saying I have a girlfriend to men who approach me has worked without them being weird abt lesbians, so it's obviously just context dependent
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u/sabrinahlj 16h ago
You don't always get the same effect though. Some men see it as invitation because they don't consider sapphic relationships real or legitimate. "You've never tried a man so how do you know you won't like me?" Or "can I watch you both?"Ā Lesbians have talked about how men didn't accept rejection where their girlfriend/wife was literally next to them.
A fictional boyfriend is a stronger deterrent in some cases.
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u/BrilliantFly6117 15h ago
Even if we do live in a patriarchal society, I think this is a stretch; "I have a boyfriend" an explicit tangible reason why you're not interested. Still you have to be a dick to continue on a "no" but you have to be an even bigger dick to continue on a "I have a boyfriend".
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u/DumbDumpster33 8h ago
To be fair women also usually stop faster if you say "I have a girlfriend"
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u/CupcakeUwU_ 6h ago
āI have a boyfriendā is a reason. People are more willing to follow an order if you give them a reason, no matter how silly it may be.
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u/teddyslayerza 5h ago
Yeah, same as "I dont carry cash" dissuaging a beggar more easily than "no".
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u/Gussie-Ascendent 16h ago
Immoral. Means you only really respect a man telling you she ain't interested
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u/AintSoPretty 14h ago
"i have a boyfriend" = not single "No" = potentially single besides, both stop most normal guys the same
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u/Clear_Ad_1560 13h ago
Kind of like how telling a woman āIām brokeā is much more effective than telling them āIām married.ā
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u/CatgunCertified 16h ago
It's not that an invisible man stops people it's that most people aren't trying to homewrexk. If a woman told me she had a gf or a partner I'd also leave. Not to say no shouldn't stop any unwanted advance but like I don't think it's that deep about the patriarchy
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u/InstantSword 10h ago
Most people can see they wouldn't want the same thing to happen to them, even if it's just another dude simping for their girlfriend who has no chance. It's a nuisance and just wrong
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u/Pretend_Garage_4531 14h ago
Not getting on the patriarchy as a concept but the vast majority of guys that wonāt stop at ānoā but stop at āI have a boyfriendā arenāt stopping because of some sort of respect. They are stopping because there is someone likely willing to fight them on your behalf and feel like you arenāt attractive enough to risk that altercation.
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u/Adventurous-Art1514 16h ago
If you tell a misogynist "no" it will make him so angry that he might stalk or rape you. I've seen it happen. That's why women will give some long excuse so as to not reject him outright. Because these men see women as property and if an object that is beneath you is rejecting you then it's a huge blow to their ego.
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u/OnTheSlope 13h ago
Hot take: "no" doesn't work because many women use "no" to mean "yes, but work harder for me" even if Reddit BPDs pretend it isn't true and Reddit autists can't fathom it being true.
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u/KeepJoePantsOn 12h ago
This, unfortunately, is exactly it. Too many women play hard to get to protect their virtue. If persistence didn't work, no one would do it.
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u/king210989 10h ago
A man once said "I dont like 2 type of women. One who make me work too much and two who dont make me work at all"
I will just good bye to that woman.
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u/Newspaper_Beneficial 16h ago edited 16h ago
personally I stop interacting with a girl the moment they say they want me to.
but
too many girls say no when they mean yes.
hard to get has ruined dating.
unlucky. :')
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u/craftygamin 16h ago
No means no, always assume that. If someone genuinely says no when they mean yes, i doubt you'd wanna be with them
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u/JamieBeeeee 16h ago
What the fuck has this subreddit devolved into
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u/ChaosRainbow23 16h ago
Crazy incel bullshit with a heaping dose of manosphere dude-bros and assorted bigots.
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u/collecting-garbage 16h ago
iāve only ever seen it as young guy manosphere bullshit
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u/JamieBeeeee 16h ago
I swear when I joined like a couple months ago it was more philosophical and less macho man cosplay
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u/SCP_FUNDATION_69420 16h ago
No means no. Unless you guys are already dating/hooking up and have a safe word, a no means no.Ā
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u/little-red-radish 16h ago
Diva no never means yes
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u/WhimsicalWyvern 16h ago
Some (generally toxic) women want to be chased, and aren't good at communication. Some men generalize this to a very worrying degree.
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u/little-red-radish 16h ago
Also why would you want to be with someone like that š like if that woman is saying no and expecting you to continue omg just go and save yourself
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u/amortized-poultry 16h ago
For better or for worse, you don't speak for all women, and there are some women who will say no and then become disappointed when that is enough to shut things down.
Not my type of women, and I have no idea how common or uncommon it is, but there are definitely some women in that category.
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u/little-red-radish 16h ago
No literally always means no. Whether thatās because she wants you to leave, or expects you to keep chasing her AFTER that no. That is not the kind of relationship you want to be getting intoā¦
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u/Newspaper_Beneficial 15h ago
again. you don't speak for all women.
for better or worse.
the last sentence you're right about for me personally.
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u/Warlock1181 16h ago
It's either a fuck yes or treat that as a fuck no. Pretty simple.
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u/Roy_Koopa_DX 16h ago
I see what sheās saying, but I was raised to believe that no means no and personally I respect that. I understand why women behave this way, Iām just pissed at the other men who make that behavior necessary.
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u/Livid-Accident-1562 16h ago
It's a means of protection. In a culture that views women as subordinate to and who only exist for the pleasure of men, it's not a "behaviour", it's a shield - often the only shield we have. I'm glad you understand that no means no, but far too many men haven't - and likely will never - learn that lesson
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u/Roy_Koopa_DX 15h ago
I didnāt mean anything negative by it, I meant behavior in a general sense. Sorry if it came across as downplaying anything.
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u/Livid-Accident-1562 14h ago
You're good. I was simply trying to explain why women act as we do in this society. If I sounded like I was attacking you, that was not my intent and I apologise š
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u/bum_what 12h ago
I think no means no and it should end there. But one of the reasons some men don't take no as no, is because some women don't actually mean no when they say no. Take a quick trip on the Internet and you will find plenty of videos with women complaining that they rejected a dude, and he respected it and "didn't fight for her"
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u/fawnycrow 5h ago edited 3h ago
That does not mean you can keep harrassing her because a small percentage of women are idiots (if they even exist) If a women says no it is no, and worst case it is a loss for her. I don't know why you would want to be with a person like that anyways
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u/TheWhistleThistle 16h ago edited 15h ago
I don't think this happens particularly often. A flat, plain, clear "no" is a remarkably rare thing to hear. Usually, when a woman is trying to pass on a guy, she'll do so indirectly. "I'm busy," "I gotta go right now," "that's not really my scene," statements that can be read not as rejections, as problems being raised so the two can work on solving them. "How about a different day?" "let's trade numbers so we can talk another time," "alright, what would you rather do?" That kinda thing. The "no" is phrased as if it were an "I wish I could, but there's this one issue" which any guy who doesn't see through that, will take as an invitation, if not an instruction, to fix that issue.
Now, I know why this happens. A combination of general manners and the danger a lot of women feel when confronted one on one with a guy they don't know. I'm not saying this is a crazy course of action to take, to make rejection ambiguous to avoid potentially enraging someone whose temperament you don't know. But, that having been said, the fact that it's ambiguous means it will be misinterpreted. That's what ambiguous means.
Given that most people in the Western world subscribe to monogamy, "I have a boyfriend" is just less ambiguous.
Like, imagine someone asking you to join their bowling team for a tournament and it goes like this:
Ooh, I'm busy on Saturday evenings until next month
No problem, the tournament doesn't start til next month anyway
Ah, I don't have bowling shoes
That's all good, they're provided
Well, I like to bowl 8.5 and most alleys don't have that ball
You're in luck, this one does; saw it last week
... I'm already signed onto another team
Oh. Alright have fun.
That's not someone overriding your refusal, and then respecting your bowling team more than you, that's someone taking you at your word, responding to you like you are what you appear to be: eager, available, but tragically inhibited by circumstantial obstacles.
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u/terriblespellr 16h ago
Not every aspect of sexism is an aspect of patriarchy. Immoral. The words people say should be interpreted for the meaning attached to them.
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u/Zombae-Lady 15h ago
This post is full of honestly scary people, saying no or you aren't interested in a man can be dangerous. I've had it be dangerous many times, or threatening to my job, etc. Women learn very quickly that "no" means the dangerous men won't stop and "I have a girlfriend" means they can get even scarier. "I have a boyfriend" is the safest thing to say, dangerous men will often respect that you already 'belong' to another man.
Pretending that this is silly or over the top is really not cool. Its a real thing that girls have to deal with a lot. :\
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u/mewkopawz 6h ago
THIS. i don't get why it's so hard for people to understand that it's based off of our experiences as women, not this blatant hatred for men
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u/LickMyTeethCrust 16h ago edited 15h ago
A lot of chuds have filled into this sub recently. A man saying ānoā and a woman doing so are not the same.
Men encounter a temporary nuisance with a pushy woman (Yes, I am aware men can be SA) a woman encounters a potentially violent situation. A man generally does not need to resort to justifying their disinterest (saying you have a partner), even if they did their safety is generally not threatened. Women often encounter this and need to justify their reasoning (look no further than how gender norms expect men to pursue/chase a woman, as well as the concept of āhard to get). A woman is in far more danger, given how easily a man could overpower a woman/ take advantage.
So yes, women needing to justify their reasoning and being in actual danger is a sign of a patriarchal society.
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u/Radetzkymarchingband 13h ago
Just last week my friend asked me if I could go hang out with her, because a guy was pushy and she said "I have a boyfriend" in a panic, and I'm the only straight man she knows. I do think that saying that line is better for everyone. Hell I've had interactions where I can feel that my mom is trying to insinuate I'm her partner, grabbing and hugging me, because simply having a guy around isn't enough. There needs to be a man directly tied and present, so the guy will go away. Even my boss has done this, telling me "I'm not flirting, just the guy in blue is being a creep". I don't think its immoral at all, and would say that it is the best thing for everyone involve. Any normal guy would take no, I've taken the no. But not everyone is normal.
Anyhow because of that pushy guy, I met my friend, and now I have covid apparently, which I gave to my boss, and probably my coworkers. So thanks to Pushy guy for all of this.
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u/DanteValentine13 16h ago
If a woman immediately says, "I have a boyfriend", my first reaction is that she's a b!tch. 90% of the time it's said before you can say anything. I find it rude. How do you instinctively know im gonna ask you out or something? I might just need directions or something completely unrelated.
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u/nolliins1 16h ago
Right it should only be reserved when the dude is actively flirting with you and youre getting uncomfortable with it rather than the exact moment a dude interacts with you
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u/EMArogue 4h ago
As a guy, might be my autism but Iām glad to know; makes it a lot easier to know when sheās being polite and when sheās flirting tbh
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u/figosnypes 16h ago
It's a strawman. Very few men are going to keep asking a woman out if she says she's not interested, hell these days men don't even ask women out if they don't say that.
But insofar that this does happen, it isn't that "they respect the man more" it's that her having a boyfriend means she won't go out with you even if she is interested(unless she's a cheater) whereas women who just aren't initially interested in a man sometimes do become interested when they get to know him. In fact in the vast majority of relationships women probably weren't attracted to the guy initially. Women regularly admit this but then when it's pointed out in discussions like these they turn around and deny it.
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u/Any_Band9115 16h ago
This is half-moral IMO, because if you say 'no' and then they advance, say 'I have a boyfriend' and they suddenly switch up, it's truthful, if they just say 'I have a boyfriend', and the man stops, it's not proof in the slightest, AKA correlation not causation.
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u/guywithaplant 16h ago edited 16h ago
You're challenging whether the claim is actually legit. If the claim is true, its very obviously immoral.
A dubious (and I'm not saying this is) claim isn't "half-moral."
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u/Wolf________________ 16h ago edited 16h ago
I don't have a link to the clip but I just saw a street interviewer walk up to a woman and flirt with her but she said she wasn't interested so he walked away and then she started screaming and cursing at him.
So basically a lot of women will use a "soft no" to motivate men to try harder and then men can either roll the dice on potentially harassing a woman or walking away from one that is actually flirting with them and have them get mad because "they were worth more effort".
But most men will take "I have a bf" as a "hard no" because then they are messing up a relationship or the woman is inventing a bf because she has no interest.
So women will get mad if you approach them, if you don't listen to their "no", and if you do listen to their "no". Combine that with the fact we are on Reddit and all likely autistic and can't pick up on social cues and you can see why its a clusterfuck. Personally I wish women would just say what they mean but they'll never do that so I guess everything is men's fault lmao.
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u/MGarroz 13h ago
Iām a man. Most of my friends are men.Ā
If a woman said āthanks for coming to talk but Iām simply not interested in a relationship with youā I would walk away and every man I know would walk away.Ā
Itās women who choose to lie about having a boyfriend instead of exercising communication skills and having genuine dialogue.Ā
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u/Raven_Lemon 7h ago
As a woman after experiencing multomiple time some guys insisting and being creeps when I said politely I was not interested. I test saying "I have a boyfriend" and it does limit the amount of time a guy will insist to the point of making me uncomfortable.
I rather not taking risk with a stranger.Ā
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u/Environmental_Ad4893 5h ago
Im a 30 year old man and im around long enough to know your friend group is by no means a significant data set. The guys who are insistent creeps are a minority, sure but not insignificant. If 1 in 5 experiences women have with stranger men is like this then why would they not use the more protective response. I've also seen lads who think they dont do this but they infact do.
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u/DeviousChair 8h ago
I mean, either way effectively achieves the same thing in ideal circumstances. If she finds more success with pretending to have a boyfriend when the audience is not so flexible, good for her.
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u/RollExisting4350 10h ago
If they lie about having a boyfriend then they are obviously not interested anyway and that should be respected, she probably doesnāt feel safe because many men do not take know for an answer and itās simply not a game of Russian roulette you want to play
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u/SuperUranus 8h ago
Anyone who thinks women havenāt tried ānoā hasnāt been around a lot of women. Some men see ānoā as a challenge for some weird ass reason.
Some men even see āI have a boyfriendā as a challenge.
Some people simply are shitty people.
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u/Crafty_Fee_7990 13h ago
There are men who don't. And thatās why women fear. Thank you for not being one of them.
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u/Enough_Stress_437 14h ago
When you tell a woman youre in a relationship they see it as a challenge. Go to the bar or club wearing a ring on your ring finger.
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u/Spiritual_Word_4566 12h ago
I always wear our promise ring even at work I wear it on a thin black chain since weāre allowed to do so. I donāt go to clubs or bars but Iāve had a girl flirt with me at a store even when I told her I had a girlfriend and showed her my ring, she still proceeded and I told her Iām sorry I have to go.Ā
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u/Copyman3081 5h ago
Women don't exactly respect "no" either. All but one of my former sexual partners have assaulted me in some form by not respecting no.
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u/Any_Table9811 4h ago
Hm this isnāt necessarily because of patriarchy, more likely just an ego thing.
āIf I get rejected because of me, Iām not good enough. If I get rejected she is taken, nothing can be done, sheās just being loyal.ā
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u/Fickle_Goose_4451 16h ago
Do posters in this sub even understand what morality is?