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u/Magnon 13h ago
My birthday is on the 26th, my dad's was on the 28th, and he died on the 30th. It'll be the 5th year anniversary this year and it's such a strange feeling. Life and death, how do I decide what to do?
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u/fronkenstoon 12h ago
You do whatever you want and enjoy your birthday, then take the time to reflect on everything he meant to you and the family. Would he want the celebration of your life to be tainted by that loss?
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u/ethertrace 9h ago
I hear you. My dad died ten days before my birthday 20 years ago and it's never been the same since. Never really feel like celebrating it anymore, but the anniversary of his death at least hangs over it like a shadow less and less as time goes on. Focusing only on the grief and loss of the years I never got to spend with him won't bring him back, so more and more I've tried to remember the good times and be grateful for the years he was with me and the lessons he passed on. Even so, I usually like to be alone on the anniversary, or at least in relative peace and silence. Gives me space to talk to him, even though I don't believe he can hear me. I do believe in the power of ritual to heal emotional wounds, though. Some things have power just because we give them power. I've even written a few letters just to burn them. Sometimes a symbolic act of impermanence and letting go helps, too.
That's all been a process, though, and I came to those perspectives in my own time. Not saying that's the way you need to look at it. Mostly just offering the hope that the memory won't always feel as oppressive as I imagine it does currently. Hang in there.
But if you would care for a bit of advice, I'd suggest figuring out a yearly ritual or activity of your own that honors his memory in some way. Something somewhere in between life and death, as you put it, since they're linked now.
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u/AetheriaInBeing 3h ago
My grandfather died the day before my 18th birthday. I was ready to do nothing all weekend. I still spent it with friends. My father had said to me "grandpa wouldn't want you to cancel. Grandpa would want you to have a good time. See your friends."
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u/rawdawgcomics 14h ago
I'm not gonna blame him because he had no control over it but his parents need to do better r/rawdawgcomics
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u/El_Dief 8h ago
My nephew was almost born on the first anniversary of the attack, thankfully he managed to beat the clock by about half an hour.
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u/Ukuled 6h ago edited 6h ago
My cousin was born on the day itself.
As you can imagine my mum was more focused on her sisters pregnancy, which was a worryingly long labour, and looking after an infant me than paying attention to the tv or the radio. That meant she missed all the big news as she was waiting around for the phone call from my uncle.
When we did get that phone call she learned she had a nephew!
She rushed out of the house to get to the car and our neighbour, who's husband worked at the hospital, said something like "did you hear the news?". She was of course referring to 9/11.
My mum, ignorant of the news, assumed that she was referring to her nephew and the end of a difficult pregnancy. So my mum responded "we're just glad it has finally happened"
And that’s how my mother briefly came out in support of global terror.
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u/confused-mother-fan 3h ago
So i was quiet littarly almost in bingus situation i was supposed to be born on 9/11 but my mom.delyaed the c section because she didnt wanr me to be born on that day
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u/Mage_914 6h ago
One of my friends has a 9/11 birthday. His uncle is also an insane redneck with no impulse control. The one year they left him in charge of the cake, he made one in the image of the Twin Towers and filled the inside with Sour Patch Kids to simulate all the people that died. Then he flew an RC plane into it.
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u/BattyCat_2763 4h ago
not a good thing he did at all, but the dedication to the bit needs to be appreciated
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u/TheMadJAM 13h ago
My poor sister, instead of doing the birthday announcements for her over the intercom, they would talk about how it was the anniversary of a tragedy
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u/confused-mother-fan 3h ago
As someone who was born on the day after ir never feels good its the weke of your brithday and in the middle of scholl all anyone can talk about is how people died and how we need to remember this. I cant image gow bad ir would be for people who were born on 9/11
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u/Lieutenant_Joe 13h ago
Is his birthday on this day exclusively so you can make this joke
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u/VivaSpiderJerusalem 12h ago
Humorists will go to great lengths for the sake of a joke. "Cannibal: The Musical" (the South Park guys first movie), is loosely based on the true story of Alfred Packer, who was the lone survivor of an event similar to the Donner Party. Early in the movie, the group stops at a frontier store to stock up on provisions, and Matt Stone's character excitedly purchases some fudge. All so that in a campfire scene a solid 45 minutes later he can offer some of it to Alfred, saying, "Fudge, Packer?"
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u/astralkoi A Wild AstralKoi Appeared!! 14h ago
Happy birthday Bingusss